So it’s that time again when you look back at the year that has just passed and think about what has happened to you, how it has shaped your life for the better or for the worse.

If I had to sum up 2009 simply it would be that it was a year of trials. Personally, emotionally, professionally, physically. It was a year that has shaped me into a new person than when I started, and for the better in the end than for the worse. I am stronger, better acquainted with what I want out of my life as well as just generally an overall better person. I’ve done things and had experiences that I’ve always wanted to but never brought myself to do them.

I guess I’ll start there:

- I took dance lessons. Rachel and I took some while we were still planning our wedding. They were fun, but not really something I really enjoyed enough to want to continue them.

- I started playing drums again. I played a drum kit for years, and while I was okay at it I never really felt like it fit me that well. I find that hand drums are generally a better experience for me and I don’t feel so overwhelmed by them.

- I took classes in Martial Arts. Once again, not something that I would really say is “my thing” or something I believe I will continue doing, but it was a good experience and something I always wanted to do except mom would never let me.

- I started playing Dungeons and Dragons again. It’s something to do that I enjoy and it’s a social activity that at least gets me out and talking to some people instead of sitting at home and living in my head too much. I’ve tried a few times but never really found a good group of people to play with.

It was a year of heartbreaks as well. I started the year off engaged to a wonder, beautiful and intelligent young woman. Around late April/early May she decided that she would not be happy marrying me and left me. I was devastated. A lot of this was my fault for making Rachel essentially my life. I had exhausted her in the process and left myself with nothing when she was gone. It took me several months to get myself together after that. I won’t say that my co-dependent nature didn’t have a part in that. That’s something I’ve learned about myself over the past few months and one of the many things I’ve learned about myself over time. Our circumstances I would also say played a part in that. There were times where I felt like with her school, my work, and various other activities that I wouldn’t be able to see her as much as I desired. At the time that we were dating she was still living at home, and respectfully, following the rules of her parents. This meant that she had to be home at a certain time, etc. While I was willing to respect her wishes to respect her parent’s wishes, it left me feeling frustrated at times and was part of the reason I never pursued some of the activities that I would have liked to, because of our varying schedules and at times limited windows of opportunity to see each other I was afraid of almost never being able to see her.

That and I can be one helluva needy bastard… But I’m working on that.

What it boiled down to in the end, as I found out a few months later, was that she believed she was not going to be able to be happy with me. And if she was not going to be happy, then I was not going to be happy as well. Simple as that really.

It was a year of struggles. After the break up I began to drink heavily. It wasn’t for a terribly long time, but enough to make me realize that when it comes to alcohol I have little to no self control and it’s best I stay away from it. On the 20th of December I will be 6 months sober.

It was a year of reconnection and finding new friends. I found after the break up that I had many good friends who were ready to stand by me and help me through the tough times. And there were many ahead. Especially my friends Thomas and Lacy, who sat up with me at night while I poured my heart out, Thomas attended my first two AA meetings with me and was there for me when I needed him to be. While I was weak when it came to alcohol, I was strong in my resolve to stop drinking and have only been tempted a few times in the months since and it’s never gone much further past a passing thought.

As for new friends, I have made many. From the people I drum with around town, to fellow members of March Madness Marching Band and the friends I have made playing board games and Dungeons and Dragons at the Rusty Scabbard. I am grateful and thankful everyday to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

It was a year of spiritual growth. Many of you who know me know that I was raised in a Baptist Church but would not consider myself to be terribly religious by any means. A spiritual person I am though. I learned a great deal about the power of the drums to heal your energy and to help relieve yourself of stress. It has a way of re-aligning your internal energies that allows you to continue on to another day. The power of drums and music is something I’ve grown quite fond of and have become quite a believer in. I’ve also been introduced to a lot of different ideas that I never knew about. These have ranged from meditation techniques to finding more natural ways to allow your body to heal. I used to have to take Claritin everyday for my sinuses, but I have found other ways to make my sinuses behave so that is no longer a necessity. And what a blessing it is to have to take one less pill a day!

Speaking of which, I feel like I have grown to be a better person to my body as well. I’ve attempted to make a concerted effort to better watch what I put into my body and also to take better care of myself in general as well. I’ve been on a work out schedule for a couple of months now which seems to rather suit me, and there are days I don’t want to go and don’t feel like it but push myself to do it and feel the benefits at the end of the day. I feel all around better about myself and my body, not to mention I’ve lost a little bit of weight and can already feel, see and tell a difference in how my body works and performs day to day. I don’t lie in bed at night and listen to my heart race anymore, I never realized how nice that is until I was able to actually calm down and sleep at night.

Professionally I feel like my skills as both a designer and a developer have grown. Particularly my skills in JavaScript and PHP have been improved with an increased focus on them by my IT Director at work. Professionally I feel like I’m making good progress while gaining good experience in my field. There were times where I wondered, and still do at times, if I’m in the right field of work. For me right now, the answer is usually “Yes” and I feel pretty positive in saying that I do enjoy my job and take a certain level of pride in the work that I do. Really, can you ask for much more? I don’t think so.

As much as I would say that 2009 has been a year of troubles and strife, it has also been one of great personal growth. I like the person I am today much better than I did the person of a year ago. While there are things in life right now that may not be perfect or the way that I necessarily may want them to be, they are the way that they are and the best I can do is make the best out of those situations. And that’s what I’m trying to do, everyday.

I was recently thinking about this comedian I used to listen to growing up. His name was Mark Lowry. He has this bit called “Open Heart Surgery”. He talks about his favorite verse in the Bible: “And it came to pass.” He then goes on to say “It didn’t come to stay… Have a bad year last year? Hold on… It’ll pass. Have a good year last year? Hold on… It’ll pass.” Times will be good and time will be bad, but the one thing you can always count is that they will pass. And whether more good or bad comes to follow, enjoy the ride, because once it’s over, it’s over.

Here’s to 2010 and the hope that it can become another year of music, joys, sorrow, trials and personal growth for me, my family and my friends once again!