I’ve had this post in my head for the past couple of months I think. It occurred to me sometime in September that I was supposed to be married in October. Then October rolls around and it’s the month I was supposed to be married, still on my mind. October comes and goes, November is here and it’s still on my mind. Something about it won’t leave me alone, so I’m finally putting it down into words.
It almost feels like that last mental milestone in my brain had to be passed up before things could be completely closed. The last chapter had to be written even if there was nothing to write. Blank pages in a book. It’s a little hard to express really.
One thing comes through in all of it though:
Life is good. Life is damn good and I am one lucky and blessed guy to be able to lead the life that I am because of it not coming to pass.
Now this is not a slam against my ex-fiance, it’s more about how I was completely not ready to be married. To be THAT committed to someone, no matter how badly at the time that I thought I might have wanted or needed it, is just not something I’m ready for.
It took a lot of soul searching and heart ache to come to that realization, but in the end I’m a better person for it.
At that time so much of my happiness was wrapped up in that relationship which is why it was so crushing for me when it ended. Now is a very different story. Now my happiness is based on myself. The person I become, the creative outlets that I have found and the people I am able to enjoy those things with. I was talking to the girlfriend of a friend of mine on Halloween. She knew my ex and had brought up that she knew her. After a pretty uncomfortable conversation she just sort of randomly asked me if I had been seeing anyone. It kind of occurred to me at this point that I haven’t been on a date in almost a year now. It also occurred to me that I didn’t find anything wrong or strange about this, it was just that I’ve been having too much fun lately to really put that much thought or time into women or dating. I’m so busy goofing off playing drums and gaming that I haven’t really pursued anything seriously and that right now it’s not really something I want.
She told me that this feeling must be very liberating. I agreed, that feeling is ridiculously liberating.
All that and I wanted an excuse to post some of the fun I’ve been having. 
General life update:
Speaking of March Madness Marching Band we MAY (this seems to be a reasonably sized but realistically optimistic maybe) be going to Austin, Texas for the HONK! Festival in March! It’s a gathering of activist street bands and performers from all over the country and even the world where they “take back the streets” and perform and play on the streets all weekend. I’m giddy with excitement at the possibility of traveling with this merry band of madders again after taking the Forecastle festival this year we’ll be taking this show on the road again!
Texas, hope you’re ready for us!
If you would like to help us get there (hint hint) keep an eye open for us doing some potential fundraisers in the next few months or if you would just like to donate a few dollars to the March Madness Marching Band cause you can at www.3mb4l.com and clicking the “Donate” button. This will go towards not only this but also general expenses that we face running a volunteer community marching band.
