Point/Counter-Point

Will would have been 21 years old today. And in 4 days it’ll be 4 years since he left us.

Will was my baby cousin and unabashedly he was my favorite. We shared a special bond and I will be forever grateful for the time I had with him.

It’s hard to think that it’s been that long. Just saying it even brings tears to my eyes today. Of all the people in my life I think Will has touched me the most. There are times when life is hard and I think of Will and his strength allows me to carry on. In his short time with us he taught us more than we could ever know about perseverance.

I’m not sure that I could say anything better than my father, uncle and aunt did a few years ago:

MY TRIBUTE FOR WILL
by Uncle Dave Parks
December, 2006

Thank you all for loving Will the way you do! We know you couldn’t help yourself. Anybody who knew Will couldn’t help loving him. But, we thank you and appreciate you more than we can express.

We can’t tell or re-tell his whole life story. That would take another 17 years PLUS all the additional life experiences he created for all of us. But, you know his story, and you were a part of his story. And that’s why you love him.

But, here is a brief vignette of what he meant to us…his family.

There is a very short two-verse life-story or biography of a man in the Bible Old Testament book of 1 Chronicles, chapter four. Most people don’t even know it’s there because it is buried right in the middle of a long section of people’s names — just paragraphs of people’s names…who their fathers were, who was born to whom, and so forth. Genealogy…family tree, that kind of thing.

But when God gets to this man’s name, He tells the writer, “STOP! Before you go any farther, I want to tell you something about him.” And then God gives us a short sketch of this man’s life’s story.

The man’s name was Jabez. [The name Jabez is the same word as "pain".] And here’s what God says about him: “Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. And his mother called his name ‘Jabez’ ‘because,’ she said, ‘I bore him in pain.’ And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed’ [that is, REALLY bless me], and enlarge my territory.’ [A TERRITORY is a sphere of influence.] ‘…that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil that I may not cause pain.’ ”

Will was our family’s “Jabez”. His entire short 17-year life-story was one fraught with pain and adversities of all kinds…one right after another.

Will SUFFERED pain, but he refused TO CAUSE ANYBODY PAIN. And Will wouldn’t allow you to cry over his pain, either — [God knows we did plenty of that.]–at least not in his presence and if he knew anything about it. If Will was there, it was a “NO WEEPING ZONE” and a “NO COMPLAINING ZONE.”

God gave Will a super-sized enlarged territory of love and joy. And Will worked his territory faithfully…giving large doses of love and joy to everyone—wherever he was.

Will took the proverbial “life-lemons” he received…squeezed out every drop he could…and mixed it with liberal and generous amounts of his own distinctive, unique recipe of his “Will-sugar”…and made his own brand of “Will’s Sweet Life-Lemonade”. And then he served up overflowing helpings of “Will’s Sweet Life-Lemonade” to everyone else. “LEMONADE ON WHEELS”, I believe he called it—and then he would set out to deliver it to anybody, anywhere.

It was like the Lord had said to him [I can't positively assure you this conversation actually took place, but this is the way it seemed to all of us]—that the Lord said to him, “Will, I’m going to give you extra measures of love and joy—you want it HERE or TO GO?” And, of course, Will said, “Oh, no, I want my love and joy TO GO! ‘Cause I’M ON A ROLL! I’M ROLLING! GOTTA ROLL!”

And so he did—every day of his life—blessing our lives…rolling us over with his love and charm, and capturing the hearts of anybody and everybody who ever knew him.

I have seen Will one other time very briefly since his cousin Michelle’s and Joey’s wedding on July 31st. [I live 400 miles away, and don't get in as often as I want to, and perhaps as often as I should.] But during that Wedding visit, there was a memory frame which will be forever etched in my memory…and under that frame is the caption: “THIS IS WILL! HERE’S WILL!”

Weddings are happy occasions…and they are supposed to be happy occasions—but you should still maintain at least a modicum of dignity! But, I guess they forgot to tell Will! Of course, they had to have Will in the wedding party. You can’t have a party of any kind without Will! And he obediently played the part they gave him. He wore his tux like everybody else [except more handsomely], and fulfilled all his usher responsibilities.

But, WILL HAD TO SHOW UP WEARING HIS SUNGLASSES! Not all the time…just at strategic moments.

And then, after the ceremony was over…and after all the rest of the wedding party had left in an orderly recessional [well, sort of orderly!], and went out to form the receiving line, here comes Will on the end of the line. All eyes were on him. He was the center of everybody’s attention. And, how does he make his exit?

He comes down the aisle this way [the best I can describe it with words…I'm not cool or coordinated enough to do it like he did it even if I tried]—he would reach down with both hands and give his wheels a quick, swift push. And then, as he rolled, he made a rolling motion with both of his hands in front of him, and then made a quick bow to the left. He gave his wheels another swift push, and did the same rolling motion with his hands, and then bowed to the right. And he continued this show on down the aisle…working the crowd.

He knew we all had actually come to Michelle’s wedding to see him! And he would not disappoint us! THIS IS WILL! HERE’S WILL! Uncle David Parks (Lexington, NC )

TRIBUTE TO WILLIAM JOSEPH GOUGH

- Uncle Moose Uncle Moose Parks (Clarksville, IN )

December, 2006

Here is a boy possessed by a crippling infirmity that prevented him from going to others, but who possessed such a magnetic personality that all were attracted to him.

Here is a boy who was physically unable to stand for himself, but who never lacked one to stand for him.

Here is a boy who could feel nothing in half his body, but who more than made up for this lack with the tenderness of his heart.

Here is a boy who never ran across a playground with his classmates, but who successfully ran among them for class office.

Here is a boy whom we would have expected to exhibit sadness before others and expect pity from them, but who instead exhibited gladness and spread it to others.

Here is a boy whom we would have expected to admit defeat, but who will forever be known for his accomplishments.

Here is a boy who knew more pain in a short lifetime than most of us will ever know in many years, but who complained far less than we do.

Here is a boy who never stood among us, but who will ever stand tall in our hearts.

Will, we gladly say goodbye to your wheelchair, but you will forever roll across our hearts.

Tribute from Aunt Joy
From Will’s funeral
December 27, 2006

My name is Ba’Doll. To some it may seem like a silly name for a woman who is fifty years old. But to me it is precious.

I am not wise or eloquent like others who will be speaking today but I am one who has been touched by an angel.

Seventeen years and nine days ago, God brought into our lives this Angel. And from that day forward our lives were forever changed. About one month after Will was born, I flew to New Jersey to help Paula pack a station wagon with personal belongings, a tiny baby and a slightly drugged demon possessed cat for a ten hour trip south to their new home. I will never forget arriving home to my husband and children who rushed out to welcome me home. But I was a little mistaken-They ran past me to get to Baby Will.

Will and Paula stayed a couple of days waiting for their home to be readied and then we let Paula go to her new home. I will repeat that last statement. We let Paula go to her new home. We then began our hostile takeover. Baby Will was going to be ours. He became our son and brother and his mother was always gracious and allowed to always be in his life. He stayed with Vickey Kepley, or Mimi as he called her, with my children and we would “kidnap” him often before his mother could get to the sitter’s house and take him to our house. Will moved in!

Will changed our vocabulary. My nickname from birth is Joy Baby-given to me by my brother. Will could not say Joy, so he changed my name to Baby Doll and eventually shortened it to Ba’Doll. Even today I am known to friends and relatives, both child and adult as Ba’Doll. His Aunt Sharon became CeeDee and uncle Calvin became Cakki-names that they also are still called. A motorcycle was a mochas. The remote control was a mocha matrol. A helmet became a hemmet. Ears were itters. We went to McDonalds to get a cheedada and a brink. Today these are still the words that our family uses.

In the summer of 1992, our world was shattered when Will was paralyzed in an accident. Our large, loving family prayed together and promised God that in thankfulness to Him that we would always make sure that Will was taken care of – A promise that was never broken.

Will met life with a sense of humor. He learned to laugh and not feel sorry for himself. He was in a body cast for weeks that went from the top of his head to his hips. There was a little circle cut out for his face and a little one cut out at his tummy. He never once complained – not even when Chelle, Phil and I dumped him out of the wagon when taking him to visit the neighbor. He actually thought it was kind of an adventure! The day the cast was cut off inside it was found m & m’s, cheese doodles and legos among other things.

Will had a most special relationship with his cousins. They took him everywhere. To college functions, ballgames, swimming. They played video games and baseball. And one day I went outside to find Will, my husband, John, and his cousins Phil and Jacob jumping on the trampoline- in their underwear- squirting each other with the water hose. They aggravated each other, picked on each other and loved each other to death. And woe to the outsider who picked on Will!

Will taught us many things. We learned patience in dealing with others. One day I was upstairs in my kitchen and Will was in the basement with my husband, John lifting weights. (Will was six or seven years old.) I could hear their voices getting closer and I began to hear Will saying, “Come on John. You can do it. I know you can. Come on. You can do it”. I walked over to the top of the stairs to see John and Will coming up the stairs. Only John was trying to crawl up the stairs using only his upper body just like Will did. And Will was a couple of steps ahead encouraging him.

He taught us to stand up for ourselves and not to play the victim. He taught us not to complain about our petty problems when every day was a challenge to him. He taught us not to feel sorry for ourselves but to just get out there and at least try. He taught us that you are never to old or too cool to tell people that you love them. Even as a 16-year old teenager when he would come to work he would greet me with a hug and at school he would still kiss his mom goodbye. When he was with his friends he would still reach his arms up to hug and kiss his cousins. He taught us that a sense of humor can get you through a lot of tough situations but as a last resort he would just revert to what he called his “poor little boy in a wheelchair” look.

On December 22nd, our family once again was gathered in a hospital room. And once again we joined hands and asked God for another miracle. But this time it was not to be. Will had finished the job he was put on earth to do.

I will miss the boy who made fun of my hair even though we had the same style-messy. Once when I colored my hair (he called it color of the month) it did not turn out quite like I expected it to. I walked into church and sat beside him and this is the conversation that we had:

Will (whispering because church had already started): You colored your hair.
Ba’Doll: Yeah, Do you like it?
Will: It’s purple and brown.

Enough said!

I will miss the boy who loved his cousins immensely and had one of coolest relationships imaginable. He called Chelle fat and she called him ugly. She took him shopping and to hang out with her friends. But mostly they just hung out together doing nothing. I will miss the boy who played video games with Phil and liked to go clothes shopping with him – which was special because Phil doesn’t even go shopping for himself. I will miss the wheelchair races in my driveway, which my children always lost but not on purpose.

My daughter, Chelle, said, “He didn’t even live long enough to become a man” to which I replied, “He was more of a man at his young age than many men twice his age”. I will miss the boy who lived with us, played with us and taught us. All our lives are better because of him. We are better people because of him.

I look forward to the day that I will be able to run toward him to hug him again. But his time he will run to me with arms stretched down to reach me. And I will pinch his cheeks and mess up his hair again.

I read the other day where he had listed Chelle, Phil and Ba’Doll among his heroes. I broke down and cried because we had always told him that he was our hero. And when I have days where I feel I just cannot make it, I will remember his words and I will say, “Come on Ba’Doll. You can do it. I know you can”.

My name is Ba’Doll. To some it may be a silly name for a woman of fifty years, but to me it is precious!